A mass of sinners had converged together near Heathrow Airport. They brought with them their composting toilets of sin, their placards of hatred, and bellowed their blasphamous chants against our most Holy Leader: BAA!
But, as the Holy Order of BAA, it fell upon us to travel down unto this settlement of sinners and blasphemers, and mend their ways. We loyal servants of The Almighty BAA walked into the grounds of the climate camp of evil chanting our sacred chant:
"BAA, BAA,
BAA, BAA,
Growing..."
The camp's attendees were amongst some of the most fallen of all human kind. They openly talked of the subjects our most noble master had banned any human from speaking of: "climate change" and "carbon emissions". Hearing them disobey our master's commands brought tears to our eyes, but we knew we must be strong and carry on if we were the save these poor folk's souls.
They booed us as we marched past, they told us our master was a dangerous and irresponsible fraud. How tragically misguided they were. Despite the hostile attitude we stopped in the camp's centre, and begun our sacred service...
"In the name of BAA, Easy-Jet, and the Holy Government. Amen"
We begun by asking all to kneel with us so that we may confess our sins.
Yet, no matter how loud we chanted our confession not one member of the camp joined us in prayer. Instead they kept blaspheming that BAA was a murderer. They said BAA was causing climate change that would kill millions and millions. We tried to reason with them that as mere mortals we should accept mass destruction of the planet for the greater good. "What greater good?", they demanded to know. "Simple", we replied, "the sacred profits of BAA". BAA demand growth, and so we must obediantly stand aside and let their desired growth continue unhindered by our petty protests to protect our pathetic little planet.
The protestations from the camp goers grew louder and louder, but we were still not defeated in our quest to turn these sinners into the righteous path that BAA orders we take. So we took a deep breath, and burst out in song:
"All things Bright and Beautiful,
All Creatures Great and Small,
All things Wise and Wonderful,
BAA Kills them All".
Yet even our Holy Song failed to win the wrongdoers over. As Monks of the Holy Order of BAA we had failed to convert a single one of the protesters. Their world was surely twisted. They had no leaders. We had tried to offer them our Almightly Leader to put them on the right path, but they just didn't listen. With no leaders how can these people achieve anything? Who will guide them? The camp goers went on to demonstrate that no good can come from a world without leaders: this disobedient bunch shut down BAA headquarters for a day while others went on to cause disruption against holy guardians of fossil fuels such as BP and The Department for Transport. What good could possibly come from stopping the fine work of such noble and sacred institutions as these?
"Go in Peace to Love and Serve BAA", we chanted, "In the Name of Aiports. Amen". And with that we darted away on the next private jet that flew our way.
But, as the Holy Order of BAA, it fell upon us to travel down unto this settlement of sinners and blasphemers, and mend their ways. We loyal servants of The Almighty BAA walked into the grounds of the climate camp of evil chanting our sacred chant:
"BAA, BAA,
BAA, BAA,
Growing..."
The camp's attendees were amongst some of the most fallen of all human kind. They openly talked of the subjects our most noble master had banned any human from speaking of: "climate change" and "carbon emissions". Hearing them disobey our master's commands brought tears to our eyes, but we knew we must be strong and carry on if we were the save these poor folk's souls.
They booed us as we marched past, they told us our master was a dangerous and irresponsible fraud. How tragically misguided they were. Despite the hostile attitude we stopped in the camp's centre, and begun our sacred service...
"In the name of BAA, Easy-Jet, and the Holy Government. Amen"
We begun by asking all to kneel with us so that we may confess our sins.
Yet, no matter how loud we chanted our confession not one member of the camp joined us in prayer. Instead they kept blaspheming that BAA was a murderer. They said BAA was causing climate change that would kill millions and millions. We tried to reason with them that as mere mortals we should accept mass destruction of the planet for the greater good. "What greater good?", they demanded to know. "Simple", we replied, "the sacred profits of BAA". BAA demand growth, and so we must obediantly stand aside and let their desired growth continue unhindered by our petty protests to protect our pathetic little planet.
The protestations from the camp goers grew louder and louder, but we were still not defeated in our quest to turn these sinners into the righteous path that BAA orders we take. So we took a deep breath, and burst out in song:
"All things Bright and Beautiful,
All Creatures Great and Small,
All things Wise and Wonderful,
BAA Kills them All".
Yet even our Holy Song failed to win the wrongdoers over. As Monks of the Holy Order of BAA we had failed to convert a single one of the protesters. Their world was surely twisted. They had no leaders. We had tried to offer them our Almightly Leader to put them on the right path, but they just didn't listen. With no leaders how can these people achieve anything? Who will guide them? The camp goers went on to demonstrate that no good can come from a world without leaders: this disobedient bunch shut down BAA headquarters for a day while others went on to cause disruption against holy guardians of fossil fuels such as BP and The Department for Transport. What good could possibly come from stopping the fine work of such noble and sacred institutions as these?
"Go in Peace to Love and Serve BAA", we chanted, "In the Name of Aiports. Amen". And with that we darted away on the next private jet that flew our way.
Selected Media Coverage:
- Spot the monks on Richard and Judy on this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dmf5-7fgrE
- Dagbladet, Sweden: http://www.dagbladet.no/tekstarkiv/pdf.utv.php?pa=A&d=2007-08-19&p=17&read=1
- Guardian Podcast: http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/science/2007/08/science_weekly_for_august_20.html
- The Times: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article2289177.ece
- Indymedia: http://www.indymedia.org.uk/en/2007/08/379216.html
- The Guardian: http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2007/aug/19/climatechange.travelandtransport?gusrc=rss&feed=networkfront
No comments:
Post a Comment